


'Cause with you I'd withstand all the hell to hold your hand

by lookingforparadise



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Multi, Soulmates, True Love, a bit of smut somewhere lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-13
Updated: 2014-02-13
Packaged: 2018-01-12 06:36:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1183041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookingforparadise/pseuds/lookingforparadise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Uhm, hiiii. I did a thing. Few disclaimers before you read it (if you want, of course): <br/>1] I am not an English native speaker, I don’t have a beta who corrects me or whatever, it’s the first time ever I write something in English. And you’ll notice, don’t worry. So please have mercy. <br/>2] I always want to write something about the most perfect couple I’ve ever seen. <br/>I am not saying this happened, it’s just headcanon, you know. <br/>3] I hope you like it anyway, if not I am sorry. 4] Hope you liked it. :)</p>
<p>title from “Far Away” by Nickelback </p>
<p>This is set during the TMH Tour, Australian leg 2014, right after Louis fled away to Fiji for one day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'Cause with you I'd withstand all the hell to hold your hand

Luna park. Harry doesn’t even know why he is there, wondering if he should be somewhere else instead of trying not to be spotted in the crowd while walking through the attractions.

He needs a night where he can be Harry Edward Styles from Holmes Chapel, just one night: it’s incredible how much he wanted his life the way it is now but still, sometimes, in his head, there is this need to come back to what he was before everything. Perhaps it’s too much to ask after three years under the spotlight, after having taken over the world with the band, perhaps coming back his old life is not what he really wants after all.

It was Lou’s idea to go to the Luna park, because ‘it might be fun, come on H!’; Lou seems to know him better than anyone in these days, more than his family, more than his close friends, more than… – he decides to stop the stream of thoughts that is flooding in his mind at the moment.

“Are you with me H?” he hears Lou’s voice over his loud thoughts in his ears.

He turns his head to look at her, as he has just woken up from a dream. “Yeah yeah sorry I was…”  
“Thinking.” she completes, looking at him. See? She knows. She understands. Lou is one of his closest friend, it’s like an older sister when Gemma isn’t around. And he really wishes Gemma was around. Few days and she will be, with his dad, maybe this will help too.

“Stop thinking.” Lou adds while they keep strolling around enjoying the fact that nobody there seems to care about them, for once.

“It’s not that easy Lou” Harry confesses, following the movements of his own feet with his eyes while he walks.

“Why are you here if you don’t want to?” Lou asks.

“It could be fun, come on H!” Harry mocks her, with a high-pitched voice to imitate hers.

Lou rolls her eyes and sighs. “I was just trying to cheer you up. You look like…”  
“Shit. I know.” Harry completes again. He nods because he already knows, he knows that he’s not okay at the moment, he’s not the “usual Hazza”, he’s not. It’s easy to fake it, up there, on stage, with the blinding lights and a crowd of unknown faces in front of him: girls and girls and girls screaming for him, waiting for him and the boys to do some sexy movements or a simple grin or one of their crazy shenanigans to go wild. Once the lights go off, once he is in the backstage with known faces and people who know every piece of him, there it’s when it’s more difficult to pretend. Lou is one of those people, Lou knows that the whole week has been bad for Harry, he can’t pretend in front of her. Lou is also one of those few people who knows that Harry’s mood depends on somebody else. And if that somebody else is off, than everything in his life is just….off, as well.

“Did you call him?” the girl asks while eating the candy floss she has just bought from a fancy pink machine in the middle of the park, in front of the ferris wheel. She must have noticed that Harry is checking his Iphone since they arrived. She also sees he’s scrolling through his Twitter feeds.

“Nope.” he just says.

“Did he call you?” Lou hazards.

“Nope.” Harry replies and his heart clenches a little bit more every second they spend talking about all. _..this._

“Text you?” she tries again.

“Nnnnope.” Harry repeats as a broken record and every question makes his heart clench more.

“Sext you?” Lou carries on, hoping that this could at least make her friend laugh a bit, or just smile.

At that question, Harry glares at her, with that face he makes every time he hears something weird. “If he did I wouldn’t be here with you, honestly.”

Lou takes a moment to think about what to say next. Then she opens her mouth again, munching on the candy floss with sticky fingers. “Why don’t you…”  
“It’s” Harry starts again to cut her off “It’s complicated.” he doesn’t mean to sound that harsh but he is. And he knows but he cannot help it. The whole situation Cal and their PR people put him through made a hole in his heart once again. He was still recovering from the last terrible one with Taylor and the mayhem caused by it few months before, and now there he was again, another blonde, another day, another drama. Another fight. No, he cannot even talk about a fight because there wasn’t any fight. One day he woke up in his,  _their,_  hotel room, he turned on his side and the bed was empty. The wardrobe was half empty, his boyfriend’s bags weren’t there, next to his, as usual: he was gone. He just found a note, on the nightstand, written by a calligraphy he knows too well right now: _ < Ollie asked me if I fancy some surfing so we are off to Fiji until next show. Didnt want to wake you. Bye.>_

_Bye._

_Bye?_

How can he write that “Bye”, like he was simply going out to buy milk or have a walk in the park? Harry can swear that his heart is two size smaller now, after that week and what happened. He thinks about the fact that he never – and he says  _NEVER_  – fails to add a “x” or a “love you” or a simple “ly” when he’s in a hurry, to his notes. He never writes “bye”, they don’t  _“bye”_  each other: they wake up each other, they stay there for a while refusing to be apart, they look at each other in the eyes, they kiss, they cuddle and they say they love each other, always, always, always. Until now, he reckons.

So he was gone, for two days, two days where Harry tried to enjoy his break but all he can think it’s  _him._  Him, and how much he wants to take the first flight to Fiji and find him, and stay with him, and ask him  _why,_  there are a lot of questions in his head, a lot of “I want”, but he didn’t do anything. He knows him better than everybody else, even better than his mother, sometimes. He knows that if he asks to be left alone, he has to be left alone. It’s happened before, in these three years, with all they have been through together: he leaves for some days, or hours, or even minutes in the backyard of their home, when they are allowed to be at home, just to breathe on his own. He needs to breathe, because fame is not his favorite thing, he doesn’t enjoy all the attention as much as Harry does, he’s more “ _a Zayn_ ” in these situations. And Harry always understands, and leave him alone, until he’s ready to step back in his life and everything is okay again. Except now he doesn’t know if he can tell everything is okay.

Once again he snaps out of his thoughts when Lou waves a hand in front of his eyes. “Harryyyy, are you listening to me???” and Harry thinks he has missed what Lou was trying to suggest to solve this “problem” which seems to hang over everybody’s head since the “drama” started, earlier that week.  
“Yeah yeah, sorry can we just…” he runs a hand through his wild curls and shivers a bit. He nods at the ferris wheel before them and Lou watches the lights and the empty seats who are swinging in the air for a second.

“Yeah okay, come on Grumpy.”  
“I am not  _Grumpy”_  he bites back, pointing one finger at the smiling hair-stylist.

“You are, you always are when something is wrong with  _Baby boy_!”

Harry cannot hide a smile this time, while they climb into a seat of the ferris wheel, paying their tickets and pretend to listen to the man’s instructions: “ _Baby boy_ ” is the name Lou uses to call him. To call Louis. On one hand, she uses it to annoy him, because Louis is the older, because he’s the bold one, the “gangsta one” as he always jokes with Niall, and not “the baby” of the band. “Curly is the baby here, call him ‘baby boy’ not me, I am old and wise” he always retorts. On the other hand, it’s because she hears Harry call Louis “ _Baby boy_ ” and Harry doesn’t even know why, maybe because he’s tiny, because he’s even tinier these days when everybody starts to notice he has lost some weight (not that he needs to – Harry always adds with a serious face that reminds him of his mother when she worries about him not eating enough).

Harry puts his hands on the iron rail that blocks them and lets his feet hanging in the empty space under them, as the wheel starts moving.

Lou looks at the lights and the city under them and then looks again at her friend, already silent next to her.

“Listen, I am trying to cheer you up with all this but if you just want to sulk and cry because of all this, you can do it. Nobody can hear us up here.” she says. Harry is currently focusing on the city around him, the tiny houses, the noise in the background, the small people who are walking under them.

He takes a breath and lowers his shoulders. “I don’t want to sulk or cry Lou, but thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”  
“Oh don’t be silly, I am older, I can help.” and then she thinks and adds “…not that older, you know what I mean. I am not a grandmother or something.”  
This time Harry laughs. He really, really appreciates her concern, he loves her as she’s part of his own family and he will always be grateful to have her around. Especially when things are a bit hard like today.

“Everything is going to be okay H.” she continues “You know that. He knows that. Everybody knows that.”  
Harry bites his bottom lip, thinking. A weird feeling in his chest, worry creeping up inside.

“What if this time it doesn’t?” he asks suddenly, and he’s not sure he wants to start this conversation.

Lou shakes her head. “Don’t say it H. You know it’s not going to happen. You can’t…you can’t even  _breathe_  if you are not together, it’s been three years, after all you’ve been through. Look, if he wasn’t into this as much as you are, he would have left earlier.” and she has a point. Harry knows that, but now he has this tragic idea in his brain that maybe this time it’s really over, maybe that note is the last thing Louis would write to him, no lovely notes, no texts, no “I love you” post-its left on the fridge at home just because, and…he shakes his head, trying to suppress his worry and enjoy the beautiful Australian view from there before the ferris wheel starts to go down again.

Once they get off the wheel, they keep walking a bit and eventually people start to recognise him.

Harry stops, as usual, posing with everyone who wants to take a picture with him, while Lou waits on the side looking at him. Harry greets the fans, talks with them a bit, some girls giggle and ask him where the rest of the band is. “Oh, they are resting, they are fine, don’t worry” he smiles but his mind cannot stop thinking what Louis is doing. Is he okay? Is he sleeping? Is he thinking about him? Is he feeling shit like he is? He hopes not. If there is one think Harry doesn’t want is Louis feeling bad. He hates seeing him hurt, he hates even more hurting him all the time with those stupid things they make him do. When he ends the fans duty, Lou grabs him by an arm and keeps walking towards the next attraction.

“Last one then we have to come back to the hotel” she said “Stop thinking for two minutes, I take you to the roller coaster. I wanna see how long can you go before screaming like a little girl!” she teases.

Harry smiles wide. “Ohh! If there is someone who will scream it’s not me honey!” he bites back taking his seat next to her.

After an exciting ride and a picture of the moment posted on Twitter, Harry is back at the hotel.

He’s in the lift, alone, when he starts thinking again. He runs a hand through his hair and his mind travels back to the day before. Right before the show.

They are all in the backstage room, the band is ready, the lights are ready, the sound is ready, the mics are working, the crowd is already cheering singing along to the songs that are diffusing in the arena. Everything is ready but the boys. One boy. Louis is stuck in the traffic, his flight was late because of a storm or something, and the others refuse to start without him. “We are a band of five, not four” Niall says from the couch he’s currently sprawled on, with his guitar in one hand, playing randomly with the chords.

“Yeah, we want to wait” Liam agrees from the other side of the couch. Zayn is in the middle, reading something, in silence. The only one who’s walking around the room as a goldfish in a bowl is Harry. Harry who doesn’t talk to Louis since the day he left, since that damn note he has left on the nightstand. Louis didn’t text, didn’t call, anything. He would take it as a “leave me alone please”, as usual when this happens, but this time he can’t help being worried and that’s because there is a part of him that feel guilty. No matter how many times he repeats to himself that he didn’t do anything, that he wasn’t his decision, that he had to do what he did, he always, always will think he’s guilty in some way.   
That’s why he keeps walking around, unable to stay still, playing with his rings, with his phone glued to his ear, trying to call Louis but he doesn’t answer.

“Did he answer?” Niall asks turning his head to look at Harry.

Harry just shakes his head, grumbling, deciding to stop calling him.

“Can you please sit, mate?” Zayn asks, finally speaking. “He’s fine. He called before, he’s on his way, he’s just stuck in the traffic.”  
“He didn’t call.” Harry repeats, as he’s talking with himself rather than with the boys. They know, of course, what’s going on. They can imagine why Louis decided to disappear for two days after all the chaos of that week, they can see Harry’s sadness and stress and they can see Louis as well. They weren’t surprise when they knew he left for two days with Ollie, everyone seemed to expect it, everyone but Harry, of course.

“Yes, he called – ” Liam starts but Harry cuts him off.

“Me” he says “He didn’t call me. Since he left. I don’t know where is he, where he has been, I don’t know anything!!” he is starting to give vent to his feelings, bottled up for two days in a silence that nobody liked. Harry is not the one who sulks and doesn’t say what he thinks or how he feels, he prefers to let everything go, to free himself in order to feel better. Maybe he does this with only one person, or with the boys during their FIFA nights in an hotel room, or with Lou, or his mum during Skype calls, but he never “blocks” his feelings like he did in the last two days.

“I thought you get the note, I left it on the nightstand before leaving” a voice behind him suddenly speaks.

He turns quickly and his eyes meet Louis’: he’s there, in front of him, staring back. Harry takes him in for a second thinking  _“thank god thank god he’s back”_ : he looks intact, good, maybe a little tired from the delayed flight and all.

He leaves the bags on the floor and the boys jump from the couch to hug him. Harry is the only one who stays still, where he was before, still staring.

“You okay?” Liam whispers to him, touching his shoulder while Louis is too busy smiling at Zayn and laughing with Niall about something.

“Yes.” Harry nods without looking at Liam. And Liam knows it’s a lie. He knows his ‘little brother’ like the back of his hand, after three years constantly together. He knows that Louis is not good as he is trying to show, but he won’t ask. He goes for a smile and hugs Louis when he approaches.

The wardrobe where he has to go to change for the show in less than 2 minutes it’s right behind Harry and he’s standing in the way. He decides not to move, just to see if Louis greets him the same way or avoids him as he did for the last two days.

When the blue-eyed boy approaches him, they look at each other. Usually, Harry would smile wide, opening his arms and teasing him with something like ‘Don’t I deserve a kiss after all this time apart, mister?’ until Louis’d lean forward and kiss him with the usual passion he has never left when it comes to kiss his favorite boy. And Harry’s stomach would do weird things reminding him of how he’ll never get used to his feelings for Louis. He completes him, after all, even just with a kiss. He completes him in a way he can’t even explain, and it’s always been like this, since that moment in the bathroom three years ago, and it will always be like this, since the last day of his life. Harry is sure about that.

Except for that moment, it seems, when Louis is in front of him and he does…nothing.

“Hi” Louis says and usually this ‘hi’ is their own way of greeting before sharing a long sweet kiss. Harry’s heart clenches and he’s not sure he’s breathing properly: he tries to catch something in Louis’ eyes, he doesn’t even know what exactly, but something. He wants to know what he’s thinking but he knows Louis won’t say anything. He’s the one who bottles up his feelings in order to show people that he’s the strong one, the fearless, the lion-hearted. Harry knows it’s not true, Harry knows who he really is, and Louis knows this as well.

“I have to change before the show” he says nodding at the wardrobe behind him. “Can I –?” he asks. Harry doesn’t say anything, share a look with Liam who’s watching behind Louis’ back and nods. “Yeah, sure, sorry aehm..I’m gonna go…to see..if the..the mic…” Harry hates himself when he stutters like a child. He cannot help it thought, he’s stressed and he doesn’t like this, he hates this and…Louis didn’t kiss him. He didn’t kiss him. He didn’t want to. He’s not happy, he made him sad, he hurt him, he…  _he didn’t kiss him._

He disappears with Niall and Zayn, ready to go on stage while the crowd waits and tweet that the boys are waiting for Louis so the concert hasn’t started yet: how do they know everything is a mystery nobody has solved yet.

Liam is the only one who waits for Louis to change and go on stage. Of course, Liam always waits for the other boys to be ready to do something, literally because he’s so sweet and caring, but also metaphorically, because he’s the big brother there, the “daddy” Direction after all.

“I won’t ask you if you’re okay because I know you hate the question but this trip wasn’t about surfing, was it?”

Louis takes off his shirt and slips into the white one for the show, silent. He changes his shoes, he looks at Liam and he wants to cry. He wants to cry because he hated that trip, he hated being there, miles away from his love and the boys and the world he chose to live in, he hates the whole thing, he hates everything and everybody in that moment.

Liam understands and stays quiet. “Come on, let’s go on stage.” he says after a while, opening the door for them. Louis is right behind him, checking once again his hair in the mirror. He breathes and looks at him. He stops Liam grabbing him by the wrist, right out of the room, before they can approach the rest of the boys already in their position for the beginning of the concert.

“Is he okay?” he asks, without even looking at him because he can’t, really.

Liam sighs. “He’s not okay if you aren’t. You didn’t call him and… but he didn’t freak out if it’s what you meant. He loves you more than everything, really Louis, and if you don’t think so because of that pict –”

“Don’t” Louis says. “Let’s go.” he adds. Liam doesn’t answer and follows him to his spot.

Harry is right there, still on his spot, waiting for the platform to move, a thing they did for like 150 times now. Incredible, it’s already the 150th concert of the tour or so. He wonders how they make it that far. He looks once again towards Louis, who’s in his spot, trying to focus despite the tiredness and the stress and… _all._

Usually Louis looks back at him and pulls funny faces or mouths “I love you” and Harry answers “You, too” and then they smile and blush like it’s the first time, between them it’s always the first time. Once again, not this time. Louis just turns his head, surprisingly, staring back at Harry, and he knows they are thinking the same thing. None of them do anything. They just stare for a bit.

And then there is the crowd, the loud cheering is approaching, they are moving, the lights are off and on them again, the music is starting, it’s time to “pretend” everything is okay.

The doors of the lift open after a “ding” who wakes him up from the memories of last night.

Harry breathes, probably Louis won’t even be there, in their room, probably he’s with Zayn, smoking or something. Harry doesn’t like when Louis smokes, even if he finds it hot,  _okay,_  the “ _bad boy who smokes_ ” thing might fills his fantasies, but Louis is always hot so  _what._  And how is he even think about how hot is Louis when the situation is tragic? He shakes his head, resting his hand on the doorknob of their room door. He breathes again, counts to three and slide his keycard into the lock to open it.

He pushes the door and the first thing he sees is the light from the main room. He stills in the hall: Louis is there. Or maybe it’s not Louis. He thinks about how many people have the keycard to enter their room. The answer is two: he has one and Louis has the other. Okay, so,  _wow,_  Louis is there.  _Louis, is, there_. They are alone, finally, they have never been alone after he came back from Fiji. And now they are. They are. Harry is quite sure his heart has crawling off his chest and fled away. It can be, since he would flee away too in that moment rather than face Louis and the bad afterwards.

Before he can even walks, Louis ducks his head leaning against the door frame at the end of the corridor and looks at him.

He seems to be smiling but Harry is not sure. “Can I?” he asks, not even sure if he can move.

Louis cocks an eyebrow. “It’s your room too Harry, why are you asking if you can enter?”

Harry breathes again. He’s right. Doesn’t he have some dignity? Why can’t he be the strong one? The proud one? The lion-hearted one? The answer is simple, he thinks, when it comes to Louis he melts like a pudding in the oven. He’s not lion-hearted, he doesn’t care to be. He’s not strong, all he wants is Louis. He wants him so _bad,_  even more now that he stands still again in front of their bed, where Louis is  folding his clothes into his bags. He’s beautiful. Harry looks at him, takes him in like he didn’t have time to do before that moment: he’s skinnier, it’s true, but he’s gorgeous as ever. He’s tinier, he looks like he’s 18 again, when he met him, a baby; and suddenly Harry remembers,  _'baby boy'_ , and Lou and what she says and all again and again – he’s going crazy, he knows.

Louis is wearing his Nike shorts, which are Harry’s but they cling perfectly on Louis’ slim waist. He’s barefoot, of course, because he still refuses to wear socks or shoes when he’s not forced to by the stylists. Harry also sees he’s wearing his hoodie, the blue one he uses to sleep. He doesn’t know if he can take the fact that Louis is practically wearing his clothes like a good sign, maybe things are going to be okay after all, like Lou said.

He smiles for a second and then he sits on the little couch in front of the bed.

“Are you going to stare like a creep or are you going to talk eventually?” Louis says keeping himself busy with his clothes and bags.

Harry snaps out of his thoughts once again and looks at him. He didn’t notice he’s wearing glasses. Now that’s a bad sign: he never wears glasses unless he’s too tired to bother with the lenses and too stressed and…annoyed, or mad at something. At someone, in this case. Harry stops breathing.

“So?” Louis nudges nodding his head.

“Yeah sorry I was…looking at you.”

“Yeah I figured.” Louis says.

“What are you doing?” Harry says following his movements on the bed.

“I am just packing some things and search for some others, there is such a bloody mess here…” he huffs.

Harry can’t help a smile. He always complains because Louis is the messiest person he has ever met but he knows he’ll pick up after him forever.

“You didn’t kiss me.” he said, suddenly, out of the blues.

Louis stops. He knows this moment would come. It’s time to face it, he tried to avoid this moment for like a week but…it’s time. And he has to be brave and lion-hearted and bold and strong. He has to be. But he can’t look at Harry, he can’t because if he looks at him he won’t be any of those things he wants to be in that moment. When it comes to Harry, he’s just an emotional mess too in love to do anything else but staring at him and wanting to kiss him until his last breath. And he wants him. God, he wants him so bad since he came back from his holiday that wasn’t a real holiday. He  _always_  wants him so bad, who is he kidding?  
“What?” he asks, sitting on the edge of the bed, in front of Harry. They are too distant but nobody moves.

“You didn’t kiss me, Lou. When you came back, in the backstage, you said ‘hi’ but you..didn’t..” Harry feels his body weak. His voice weak. And he cries. He cannot do anything else but cry. Crying is good for him, he always cry to free his head and his heart and make it lighter, even when the cause is not Louis. He also wish he could explain himself better.

Louis moves. He sits in front of him, on the little table in front of the couch, he sits there and takes his hand holding them tight.

“Harry…” he said, his voice trembling.

Harry sobs, again, tears streaming down his face unable to stop. “I didn’t…I….I didn’t…I am sorry Louis, I didn’t want to… Cal…and…I don’t…” he chokes.

“STOP.” Louis cuts him off, his fingers interlace with Harry’s. He brings Harry’s hand towards his lips and kisses him softly. Never taking his eyes off him. “Harry, STOP.”

“You are breaking up with me and you’re right, I don’t -” Harry says trying to get himself together, looking for some dignity to accept Louis’ decision.

Louis frowns at him and then stiffens. “Wha – what????” he repeats wiping away Harry’s tears with his thumb.

Harry tries to stop weeping and calms himself, he can now that Louis is holding his hands like that and looking at him and he has him close again.

“You are not breaking up with me?” Harry questions again.

Louis laughs. “What the fuck are you talking about Harold?! Who told you that?” he asks, and he seems really shocked about the fact that Harry might have thought about it even for a second.

“I…I don’t know I…I thought…you…you didn’t kiss me.” it’s the only thing he can repeat because he cannot breathe, he’s pretty sure his lungs have stopped doing their job and he hasn’t a heart who pumps blood to his brain anymore.

Louis shakes his head and laughs again. “Okay listen, this week has been bad, really really bad. And we both know. You also know that I needed this…holiday, to breathe again on my own. It’s not been easy lately, the football match, and the rumors, and…that picture…” he said, feeling sick in his stomach again but trying to ignore it.

Harry lowers his shoulders in a huff. “I feel like I cheated on you.”  
“You didn’t Harry, we know how this works now. I mean, you dated Taylor Swift and yet here we are, together, it has been bad but we won, we are together, still together, as always. That picture is nothing, I mean, it hurts, I was shocked even if I knew it was coming and… I am yours, Harry, always, I just needed some times to figure it out again.”  
“You doubt…us, because of that?”  
“No, I didn’t doubt anything,  _us_  it’s the only thing I don’t doubt, the only thing I am sure about. Really. I just…I had to breathe, I told you. Surfing and the ocean and my friend, far from paparazzi and drama and rumors…it was just that.”  
“Far from me.” Harry says again, lowering his eyes to the ground.

Louis puts two fingers under his chin and lifts his head to look at him in the eyes. Harry doesn’t move and looks back. “Don’t hate me because I didn’t call, I switched off my phone otherwise I would have constantly been checking twitter and news and rumors…and I don’t want that. I am sorry Harry, I handle it wrong, I should have at least call you, I didn’t mean to…”

“It was bad, Louis. Waking up and you weren’t there and..you didn’t even write  _I love you_  in the note…you just…’bye’…” he says.

Louis sighs. “I fucked that up Harry, I didn’t know how to handle it, it was a rush, I am sorry… I just needed to go away but…hey.. I don’t want you to think I stopped loving you,  _NEVER.”_  he says, his blue eyes on Harry’s green. “I love you, I love you so much.”  
“I love you too Louis. I love you so much it hurts, it feels like I am exploding sometimes with all the love I feel…”

Louis smiles because Harry is so sappy but he’s always so honest about what he feels. He’s the real lion-hearted there. The real strong one, the fearless.

“I know, I know.” he repeats.   
“Can I kiss you right now because I am really –” Harry doesn’t even ends his question, Louis is already kissing him and suddenly he’s licking into his mouth with the same old and good passion Harry was really afraid to lose this time.

They kiss lazily and slow for a while, a second, an hour, a day, they don’t know.  _Everything is going to be okay_  – Harry hears Lou’s voice in his head. He smiles, while he keeps kissing Louis because finally, finally he came back home to him.  _Home._  Home is where they are, together.

When Harry pulls back to breathe again, Louis is caressing his cheek with one hand. “I love you” he repeats.

“I know. I love you too.”  
“I am sorry for being a brat sometimes. I didn’t kiss you because I didn’t know how you would react, if you…want me again.”  
Harry cocks an eyebrow, surprised. “Louis? I want you all the time. I want you all the time it’s almost insane. Without ‘almost’. It’s insane. I want you. I will always want you.”

Louis doesn’t say anything for a second, then he looks at Harry that is already grinning. “You are not thinking about start singing Wrecking Ball, are you?”

And finally, finally Harry laughs again. After a week of worry and stress and anger, he laughs. He genuinely laughs, his heart beats again, his lungs breathes again, and it’s all because of the love of his life, in front of him.

“How to ruin a romantic moment: a novel by Louis Tomlinson” he shakes his head.

Louis smiles again, finally the heavy thing in his chest has dissolved into the thin air. Finally, he’s free again. He doesn’t feel too well because of his voice and the tiredness of the neverending tour, he’d very like to take a 6-day-long nap starting from that very moment but he’s going to be okay anyway, soon. They are going to be okay. Other challenges are waiting for them but in that moment none of them could care less. They just found their way home and they are determined to soak into this idea for a while, forgetting about the big bad world outside.

They move to their bed, tangling their legs together, as usual, cuddling next to each other, getting used to each other again after that separation. Harry repeats “ _I love you_ ” in Louis’ hair and ears and neck when he lowers his lips to kiss him everywhere he could reach. Louis’ hands are roaming everywhere, touching Harry again just because.

“I love you too” Louis says back every time Harry speaks.

Suddenly, Harry stops, just when his hands are teasing the hem of Louis’ hoodie.

“What?” Louis says looking at him in the eyes.  
“Tell me you didn’t hook up with a stripper in a Fiji club somewhere because you were mad at me. I deserved it but….”  
Louis bursts into laugh. Harry can feel his laugh through himself while he hovers Louis with his body: it’s an amazing feeling.

“Did you hit your head somewhere Styles?!? Cheating on you?? With a stripper in a Fiji club??? I went there to SURF. And I didn’t even surf because of that bloody tattoo” he complains moving a bit under Harry, on the bed.

Harry frowns and suddenly he remembers, the tattoo Louis got before arriving in Australia: the dagger on his right ribs, right next to the tattoos in his arms, always on the right side to complete the draw with Harry’s tattooed right part. The dagger matches the rose Harry had on his elbow and forearm and it stands for  _love,_ every tattoo Louis has stand for love.  _Love_  for the one and only curly boy currently on top of him, kissing his neck and playing with his fingers. He chose his ribs because it’s basically always hidden by clothes, he couldn’t show the tattoo, not yet, it would be too obvious is matching with Harry’s rose, the ninth couple of tattoos they have in common. Not that the other ‘public’ matching tattoos they have aren’t really obvious but they cannot help it. It’s the way they speak the truth, the way they show the world their love. He’ll keep it under his shirt, a thing that only Harry will see, for the moment: one day they will show the world not just the tattoo but everything else he is with Harry. Everything else Harry is with Louis. He knows it’s gonna happen. Harry knows it too.

“How is it? Still hurt, babe?” Harry asks.

Louis nods. “Less than before, but I couldn’t touch water. I told you, I only went there to clear my mind. Nothing changed Harry, seriously. I just wanted to be away, waiting for the drama to stall.”

Harry nods. “It stalls anyway. Nobody even bought it, I think. Oh and Blind Gossip…”  
“Oh! I knew Blind Gossip was going to write something! What did they write this time?” he asks with a smile on his face.

Harry thinks for a while. “That it’s all about publicity, as it is. And then he adds that she’s not the true love of my life.”  
Louis smiles again, even wider, in his eyes Harry sees that light again, his “Harry-light”. He has that too, the “Louis-light” in his eyes, only for him. Only for each other.

“It’s true. And I didn’t hook up with anybody Harry, you don’t deserve anything bad, stop thinking bullshits like that” Louis adds “How can I cheat with a random stripper when I have you? I see you with the mic stand on stage, pretty hot I might say.” Louis pulls his most mischievous smile.

Harry grins back. “Ohhh, really? I didn’t mean to turn you on….” he knows it’s totally false, he knows he loves turning Louis on on stage, they always does it.

“Shut up you liar!!!!” Louis squirms to get on top of him and the result is a tickle battle, the one that they used to have while wildly flirting at the X Factor house.

Harry laughs again, rolling in the bed, he knows he can beat Louis, it’s like a lion fighting with a kitten but he lets Louis tickle him with no mercy, enjoying his hands on his body, his laugh, his body on top of him, rolling with him on bed, and his kisses at the end, the sweet sweet kisses he missed so much in those days.

“So” Louis said resting on top of Harry, straddling him while Harry slides his hand on the curve of Louis’ bum, another move he missed so much. “The boys are waiting for us, FIFA night at Niall’s, what are we going to do?”  
“Actually I was thinking about some things I’d like to do tonight….to you.” Harry adds with a smile.

Louis pretends to think for a bit but his heart is already rushing in his chest.  _God,_  he misses him, this, so so much. “And I’ll let you do everything you want baby, but first I really have to kick Niall’s ass in that match otherwise he’ll mock me forever and you don’t want anybody to mock your boyfriend right?”

The sound of ‘boyfriend’ pronounced by Louis makes Harry’s heart grow bigger again. Finally.

Harry smiles. “Yeah. Yeah, it can wait.”  
“Yay! Thank you!” Louis cheers smiling wide before one last kiss, then he gets up and frees Harry under him.

Harry sits there for a bit, watching Louis in the bathroom in front of him, changing his glasses with lenses, he tries to style his hair again and then he decides that he doesn’t care and heads to the door.

Harry follows him, after taking with him few things, walking behind him to look at him again.

“I am glad you come back home Louis.” he says while Louis closes the door behind them.

Louis smiles and looks at him in the eyes. “I always come back to you Harry. I always come back home.” he says showing his compass on his arm.

Harry feels his skin almost burn with joy and lust and love and everything he feels when he’s next to Louis.

When Niall opens his room door, he finds the lovebirds making out against the wall in the hall, as Harry wanted to while they were waiting for Niall to open the door after they knocked.

The Irish guy smiles and his heart is lighter too because if the ‘ _lovebirds are not happy ain’t nobody is happy_ ’. “Oh for fucks sake! Could you two have your make-up sex in your room and not here?!?” he jokes covering his eyes.

Louis turns his eyes to look at him, lips locked to Harry’s.

“Shut up Niall I am going to kick your ass come on move!” he says after breaking the kiss and shoving Niall against the wall.

The blonde guy shakes his head leading them into the room where Zayn and Liam are ready to start the ‘war match’.

Harry sits on the couch, he won’t play FIFA, he’s too tired, maybe he’ll write something in his diary as he always does, looking at Louis laughing and smiling and playing with the others, he always writes about him in that diary, the ‘one and only’, Louis. His Louis.

He took the diary with him that night, of course, and while the boys starts their game, he stares at Louis like he did before their last concert. This time, there’s another light in his eyes, a happy light, the Louis-light. And Louis knows, he knows he’s watching, as usual, so he turns his head and takes the playstation control, he locks his eyes to Harry’s and finally mouths “I love you”. “You, too” Harry mouths back.

He focuses on the match, already yelling at Niall in his thickest Northern accent, while Harry grabs a pen from the table in front of him and starts writing: “Everything is going to be okay”. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!   
> If you want to check my tumblr or talk to me: http://buscandoelparaiso.tumblr.com
> 
> Love


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